::fragments::

1.
My father was going to commit suicide, and when I found out about it, I was in my mother's house and began sobbing, huge wracking sobs, and it wasn't until I saw my half-brother and he gave me an indication that it wasn't going to happen that I calmed down.

2.
Lots of cheerleaders standing in rows, all different outfits, various states of undress, performing on a field. Stephen and I settling down to watch. His grin, the way he put his chin in his hands as he lay on the ground to enjoy the show. A little too much.

I was a stripper, and it was my second night ever stripping. I had done it once before and it was not a pleasant experience. The place was in Anaheim, so it was a long drive. I got there and immediately felt like I may not do more than one dance. I talked to some women there about what it felt like the first time and we agreed that it was weird.

Later, I was in a huge room filled with people, and everyone was coupled. There were het and homo couples, and everyone was in the midst of some sex act. It was not an orgy; it almost looked like a class. There were so many different people of all different looks, sizes, colors and combinations. My job was to dance up and down the aisles for them.

Earlier, I was at the tail-end of a party and Teresa W. was insisting we eat the tofu left on the table. It was a huge rectangular slab of tofu and as I looked more closely, I realized the top half had been eaten off and when we lifted it out of the container there were massive amounts of cockroaches scurrying out and I told everyone to stop eating it.

Last night I was in a large open-air bar with various people I recognized from different times in my life. We were all trying to remember the last few lines to the song "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding. I kept plugging my ears and trying to sing it to myself to see if I could remember, but I drew a blank every time. The whole bar seemed to be in on the task. No one could think of how to finish the song.

I was at my mother's house, laying on a bed in my old bedroom. Ed was visiting. I knew it was strange that he was visiting me, but my plan was to flirt with him and get information out of him before he left. I knew my mother would find it strange that this man was in my room, and it was very late. I took my chances.

He lay across the bed with me and I smiled and lowered my eyes at him and coquettishly asked him if he knew whatever happened to G. He kind of chuckled to himself and told me that G. had become a Muslim and started his own mosque. I was astounded by the information but hid it. We laughed together about how gung-ho G. could become over things, how fiery he could be. I pushed for more information and Ed hinted that G. had married someone much younger than him. How young? I asked. Oh, eight to nine years younger, he said. That's not that much younger! I said.

When my mother came into the room I realized that would probably be the end of the conversation. She pulled me aside and asked me who Ed was and what he was doing there. I said he was an old friend. I kept calm and told her he would be leaving soon anyway.

I was with Chris and Pat at an outdoor restaurant, ordering wine. The table next to us was filled with young women, wearing lots of make-up and strange clothing. I kept noticing them, because there seemed too many for the table. It was a social event, and I was talking to Chris and Pat and occasionally one of us would leave the table and circulate. One of the times I left the table I found myself in a place where there was a small white cupboard that resembled my mother's bathroom cupboard, and I was folding and unfolding some of my old clothes and towels and putting them back in. When I stood up I froze. There were two huge spider webs hanging from the corners of the room. If I moved I would surely touch one of them, they were so big. I saw a spider, large and the color of tigers-eye, scamper down the web on the right. I screeched but couldn't move far or I would run into the other web. The webs were beautiful but I was frightened of getting stuck in them.