(1)
I went to my father's bedroom and he was in bed, and there was a large lump of blankets on the floor next to the bed. I was curious about who was under there. It turned out to be S. I haven't seen him in almost 2 years and I was shocked. He told me he was working in Lake Tahoe and he and my father exchanged some comments about that. I wasn't even curious about what he was doing there or how he knew my father; immediately I wanted to get him alone.
When we were alone, he told me he wanted to be with me again. I was hesitant. But only slightly. I thought up questions I wanted to ask him, to sort of buffer any kind of hurt I might experience. One question was, Will I have to be monogamous (again)? I only thought this question to myself, never asking aloud. I mostly watched him talk, thoroughly delighted at his attentions and completely enchanted by his beauty, which was something we exchanged comments on in the first two days of knowing each other--glowing exchanges of how beautiful we found the other. I had never told a man before how beautiful I found him physically.
As I was thinking of questions, my heart sank because I knew that I would choose S. and where would that leave Stephen? I wondered how Stephen would react. It made me a little sick thinking of it but I would look again into S.'s face and all the doubts would wash away...for a moment, before my heart began sinking again.
(2)
I was with two of the younger Heeter boys. They were still little boys, and I was a young woman. Their father was driving us around in a Vanagon. We stopped at a Taco Bell that was also a bar. I ordered a Corona and was charged $8.88. We sat at a table but everyone was restless. Finally their father drove us to a park. It looked empty except for the other van we pulled up to, nose to nose, so close I could see the woman in the driver's seat of that van inch back in her seat like she was frightened. She turned out to be a friend of their father. He took some flowers to her and stepped into her van. The boys and I went for a walk.
Awhile later, I decided to come back to the van and the boys followed me. I lay in the grass next to our van. I closed my eyes. I suddenly heard the squeaking of the other van as it gently rocked. I knew exactly what was happening and could hardly believe it. He had a lover, and she was a long-haired, brunette, old hippie woman wearing tattered clothing? I thought about this, and his wife, and wondered if she had had lovers over the years too. The boys seemed to not notice the squeaking and rocking and it only lasted a few minutes anyway. Soon after, their father stepped out of the other van and we got up to go. I heard the woman speak; she had a French accent.
