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March 2005 Archives

March 1, 2005

why does this look patriotic?

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building near Lloyd Center, Portland

I snapped this lomo on a dim, gray afternoon, not long before sunset. I wanted to capture the airy quality of this building, how it seems to dissolve when you stare at it long enough, how the smooth, clean glass transforms into sky, taking on the colors of clouds and pollution and impending rain, like a chameleon.

When the picture was developed, I could not help but notice something distinctly patriotic about it - the flags, the colors, the misty, dream-like quality of the print.

The question is why. Why does this look patriotic? Why does it look like patriotism? I do not believe it is the flag, but rather, something more complicated - something to do with all the patriotic imagery I have ever seen, the mood it evokes, the architecture, the angle of my camera.

This picture is also a chameleon, however. When I stare at it long enough, it begins to dissolve. It takes on a kind of urgency, as if the image will disappear, the colors fade. And then it seems like a piece of history, a postcard from the future, a warning.

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March 4, 2005

Issue No. 2 of the magazine due out next week

Only one week until the publication of Invisible Insurrection No.2 - Cat Fight | Stiletto in Her Back: Women Oppressing Other Women. Check the Invisible Insurrection website next Friday for your free copy - a downloadable, printable PDF filled with incredible art, poetry, fiction, and creative nonfiction.

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Inside, you will find writers Dewi Faulkner, Jill James, Tammy Walters, Sheyene Heller, Edward J. Carvalho, Danita Feinberg, Ann Fischer, Colin O'Sullivan, Christine Granados and many more.

Jessica Hale created amazing illustrations, including the one for our cover. Our other incredible artists include: Claudio Parentela, Alexandria Heather, Ann Fischer, and Lauren Taylor.

Alan Murdock and I feel humbled, awed, and inspired by everyone who contributed, and we look forward to next Friday, when we can share their work with all of you.

March 9, 2005

masks

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one of my brothers, on a fishing trip sometime in the early 80s or late 70s

Few photographs of this brother survived my sister's rage. One day before she moved out of the house, she searched for every last photo album, stacked them in a pile, and pulled out her black marker. Her plan: to censor his face from our memories.

She turned the pages slowly, deliberately, as if looking through mugshots. Her fingers traced the inside of the photo pockets without her looking, like reading braille or feeling her way through the dark. I could have joined in, but even as a teenager, I understood this mission belonged to her.

Sometimes, she found pictures hidden behind other pictures, and she yanked them out as fast and hard as a receipt. If she found a photograph of him, she scribbled out his face and thrust the Polaroid or Kodak print back into its pocket.

Why didn't she destroy them, I wondered? Why not rip them to shreds?

Sixteen years later, I understand.

It is the reason this image survives, too: my brother, masked, steering the boat, out in the open water, nobody around for miles.

My sister never intended to erase our brother's face from our memories. Rather, she wanted to make certain we remembered him right, that we could pick him out of a line-up and never once doubt.

Yes, I think, when I look at this photo. It must have been just like that.

March 10, 2005

lucky you

Grab your free copy of the Spring-Summer 2005 Invisible Insurrection now.

Alan and I feel elated, exhausted, and excited to finally publish the long-awaited Cat Fight issue. Please check it out and download the beautiful PDF edition. I promise you will enjoy it.

**Good news!** A more compressed, smaller version of the PDF is now available right here. This one is only compatible with Acrobat 6 & later, due to the technology used to reduce the file size. Enjoy!

March 16, 2005

sigh of relief

Sorry I have been away. I needed a break after the release of the magazine. I also completed the redesign of the Invisible Insurrection site.

Today, I need to drop one essay in the mail, finish revising a story, and work on my various other projects. I promise to post here soon.

March 18, 2005

the bank tower is watching

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March 19, 2005

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I was forced to flee a cafe today, when it became clear I was teetering on the edge of a big release, with tears I could not contain.

As many of you know, I wrote my critical paper for Antioch about art after 9-11, and since then, I have kept my eye on literature exploring the attacks.

So I was excited to start reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safron Foer.

I was not prepared for the twists in my guts, the raw eyes, the reopening of unhealed wounds. I was not prepared to love the narrator so wholly, or for the images to reach right into my heart and squeeze the ventricles.

This book may be a novel, but it feels more true (whatever that means) - more wrenching and raw and sweet and haunting - than most of the books I call "nonfiction."

All this, and Safron Foer has also accomplished the amazing feat of writing a real child's voice - not just in emotional tenor, but in the sheer velocity of images and ideas, thoughts and inventions. The kid does things we all did (and then some), but that is not exactly what makes it so poignant. Always, in every image, you can feel his loss.

How perfect that the narrator finds a key without a lock. How much more moving, that he must find the right lock for his key, instead of the other way around. That he searches for negative space. For the right question, instead of the right answer.

Please, please, please read this book.

March 24, 2005

Non-Driver/Need Not Apply

Last month, my husband and I purchased a cheap bottle of wine at a local grocery store. When I handed the clerk my ID, he flashed the card for everyone to see and laughed.

"Just don't try and drive," he said, lifting the wine bottle high, as if to toast.

I understood the implication and glared so hard he hurried through the rest of our items.

Stamped across the front of my card: Non-Driver ID.

The clerk seemed to think I had committed some horrible offense to lose my license. Otherwise, why the humor?

I wanted to dump the wine on his register. I wanted to file a complaint with store management. If he had to live one minute in my shoes, he would not think it appropriate to speculate - loudly, publicly - on the reasons I cannot drive.

If my disability were visible, he would know right away to keep his mouth shut. But because he cannot see the lesions in my brain where the seizures start, he speculates. He teases. He outs me to strangers in the grocery line.

People gasp when I tell them I never learned to drive. They want to know: How on earth do I buy groceries? How do I get to work? How do I shop?

Sometimes, I feel snarky and tell them it keeps my weight below the plump, Oregon average. Sometimes, I tell them: Think bus; think MAX trains; think pedestrian.

Is it really so hard to imagine? Is my reality so exotic? (And besides, I rather like my car-free life.)

Needless to say, I was horrified to learn about the story of Helen Schneider:

However, Tuesday morning the Oregon State Employment Department says she must pay nearly $6,000 in unemployment benefits.

The agency says she owes the money because she turned down a job.

Schneider says she had to reject the job offer because she has never had a drivers license and the bus doesn't run during the hour the job starts. (KATU, click link above)

Like Helen, I have had to turn down (or more accurately, flat-out not apply for) jobs due to bus schedules or other transportation issues. The State of Oregon has shown its true face.

Helen agrees:

Helen says its discrimination against workers who rely on public transportation to get to work.

"It makes me feel that they don't want to hear what us working class people need or wants. It makes me feel like a second class citizen and I'm not," she says. "I pay my taxes. I even took taxes out of the employment money." (KATU, click link above)

I do not know why Helen never learned to drive, but I can tell you this much: I now know that I should never bother with unemployment benefits. My kind is not wanted there.

I encourage you all to deluge the Oregon State Employment Department with angry letters, pronto. Contact them here.

UPDATE: For those who say Ms. Schneider should simply learn to drive, remember this: Many people cannot afford a car, regardless of ability to drive.

This is an ADA issue, a civil rights issue, and a poverty issue. And besides that, when did it become law in this country that everyone has to drive? (And again, we do not know why Ms. Schneider never learned. For all we know, she may have some medical condition. So please do not make assumptions.)

March 26, 2005

comment problems

Some readers have told me they ran into trouble commenting on anti:freeze. My apologies. I am not sure what causes the problem. Typekey offers the folowing advice:

1. Try refreshing your browser upon returning to the site.
2. Internet Explorer may be problematic; try another browser.
3. Wait some time between registering & commenting.

Other than that, I am not sure what advice to offer. See, Typekey comment registration is a centralized service. When you register there, you are not registering on my site (you are actually registering with a central comment verification service, which will allow you to comment on Typekey enabled blogs - all without revealing private information). In other words, I have no control over their technical issues. My configuration looks correct; I investigated that already. And when I test it, I can post comments (as can several others.)

Frustrating, to say the least. Anyone out there have another idea? Another setting to check?

If I learn more, I will let you know. Sorry about the troubles!

March 29, 2005

Fulfillment Corporation of America

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The Fulfillment Corporation of America cannot fit into a wide-angle camera lens.

The Fulfillment Corporation of America is one story high.

The Fulfillment Corporation of America has no parking lot.

The Fulfillment Corporation of America is smaller than you might think.

About March 2005

This page contains all entries posted to anti:freeze in March 2005. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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