But why not hang out with the other students? Why skip graduation? A lot of people have asked me these questions.
It has to do with knowing how much I can take, how many people I can stand to miss. When you meet someone only briefly, they are forever suspended in potential. You can never know them as deeply as you desire. And this is sometimes harder than saying goodbye to old friends. Not enough memories to outweigh the absence. You can't remember the exact shape of their chins or noses, or the designs on their blouses, the color of their irises.
I am thinking now of the way my friend rolled a small piece of paper and held it between his fingers, like a cigarette. Even after fifteen years, he still longs for the sensation of smoking, the way it gives you something to hold in your hands, all the little objects associated with it - ash trays, lighters, special paper. He held the paper there a long time, as he sipped his Sierra Nevada and talked. That's exactly the kind of absence I mean.
Comments (2)
Well ...we missed you Karrie. Hope your trip home was okay. I wish we could have talked more before you left. I still would really like to set up a blog with your site (does that sound right? I still don't know all the terminology). Anyway, hope you're well.
Posted by Dewi | July 1, 2003 12:03 PM
Posted on July 1, 2003 12:03
Your writing about absence/presence reminded me of how I felt about Jerry when he left, the timing of it. I actually had a hard time connecting to what you were writing because I tend to not know people briefly: I have this tendency of sticking it out, with a very few, select people, for the long haul. I sometimes envy the transience, the brevity, of other relationships (consequently, when it gets to that in-between place--for me, about 2 years in--and things fall away--it feels much much harder. This is how I feel today, though--)...
Anyway, Jerry. I'm moved to write about him now, especially since he will be on this continent today after a long hiatus. He, for me, was the "suspended in potential." Thanks again for what feels like adds to our cross-pollinations.
W
Posted by Wendy | July 1, 2003 1:56 PM
Posted on July 1, 2003 13:56